MAN-HUGS FOR EVERYONE!!!!

The Pentagon Diva must apologize to her numerous, devoted fans for her lack of recent postings. She has, however, been in Iraq and Afghanistan for the past few months, admiring all those the handsome, brave boys (and girls) in uniform -- all that dust! all that kevlar! all that muscle! Meeeeoooow! Indeed, it was HOT, HOT, HOT -- in more ways than one...

Frankly, the excitement was almost too much. But lo! upon her return, she discovered that man-hugging is now socially permissible, according to Wired-guy Noah Shachtman. I know what you naughty readers are thinking -- but there is no love-fest going on at the Pentagon, no outbreak of unrestrained bodily contact in the US Armed Forces. On the contrary, in his little article, "In the Pentagon, Hugging Suddenly OK" (January 11, 2008), Noah informs us that this hugging has rules. Rules, dammit!

• "Rule #1: A hug is only appropriate between two men who have not seen each other in at least a year. It only occurs on the first meeting of those two after such a gap.
• Rule #2: During that period one or both of them have been to combat in Iraq or Afghanistan. Neither has died or was crippled beyond repair. Both now know too many who have been so.
• Rule #3: The hug occurs in conjunction with a forearm gripped handshake. It is brief. Right arm in shake, left arm over the other man's shoulder, two or three hearty slaps or punches to the back. No more. Release. The sentiment is as direct as the action, "I am glad you are not dead."

Now, Noah (our otherwise well-informed social observer) seems to think the man-hug is something new. But the Diva can assure readers that soldiers -- at least those in highly kinetic, testosterone-driven ho-ahh units -- hug each other all the time. Perhaps as a celebration of masculinity? As a means of expressing their mammalian instinct for the comfort of a warm fur-pile in a deep burrow? As a way of congratulating themselves for surviving yet another really dangerous HALO (high altitude, low-opening) jump? Who knows?!

Anyway, the most important rule is NO BELOW-THE-WAIST CONTACT. Okay, let's practice: stand 2 feet apart, grip hands in a manly fashion, lean forward from the waist, thump comrade on the back. Stop. A quick release is IMPERATIVE, otherwise you might be perceived as being gay or (heaven forbid!) sentimental.

The nice thing about being a girl, of course, is that you can hug anyone you want at pretty much anytime and everybody LOVES it!!! So, ladies, have you hugged a warfighter today?