I LUV A MAN IN A UNIFORM!

Why Dave Kilcullen makes me want to bite my fist!!!!

2008-06-15T15:19:00.004-04:00

Why is Dave Kilcullen so totally, spankingly HOT? Is it because he's an Australian Army officer with a PhD in anthropology and operational experience in multiple theaters? Is it because he gives full body contact hugs? Is it because he was instrumental in Petraeus' surge strategy in Iraq? Is it because he's staggeringly, humiliatingly brilliant? NO. The real reason Dave Kilcullen is totally bewilderingly, cave-smokingly hot is that his surplus masculinity allows him to wear pink ties and seersucker suits with no sense of foppish shame!!!! Dave is the only person in Washington who can make an Italian table cloth shirt look like a fashion three-hour tour, as opposed to a fashion shipwreck.... Lady Killer!!!! Now, when the Diva first met Dave, she wondered naturally, whether he wore his holster on the left or the right... but it quickly became apparent that Dave has so much hoo-0-ah juice that females naturally bend over and expose their back-seamed fishnet stockings for his delectation and approval. And while many external observers assume that Dave is motivated by some grand, patriotic vision of the democratic future of Western civilization, the Diva knows the truth: as Dave has so cogently reminded us "this little global war to defend civilization against atavistic takfiro-fascism that we're having here is all about women's fashion, and personally, I am willing to die in a ditch to preserve it. The Taliban were a fashion apocalypse (burqa and clogs, anyone?) and the less said about UBL's taste in footwear, the better...." The MORE said about Dave's fabulous taste in women, however, the better!!! Just check out the picture -- MEOOOOOWWWWW!!!!!

Why is Admiral Eric Olson so freakin’ HOT?

2008-05-07T16:48:00.003-04:00

Why is Admiral Eric Olson so freakin’ HOT? Is it because he was an underwater demolitions expert in the Navy Seals? NO!!! Is it because he’s the most likely pick for SOCOM combatant commander? NO!!! It’s because his middle name is THOR! That’s right ladies: unlike the dull God of Judeo-Christianity, the old Norse Gods loved mead, virgins, epic poetry and kinetic force! Admiral Olson’s namesake, Thor, was the Norse God of thunder and lightening – he was known for his big red beard and big ol’ warhammer, with which he would crush the skulls of his enemies, including various ill-tempered giants and mythological snakes. (And you know how I feel about WARHAMMERS!!!) But see the thing is, Thor was a sensitive warfighter and respected human rights: unlike Odin, Thor didn’t require human sacrifices, only a little beer now and then! BOTTOMS UP! He was also an animal lover and rode around in the sky in a chariot pulled by goats named Tanngrisnir (gap-tooth) and Tanngnjóstr (tooth-grinder). (Are goats sexy? I guess some people think so….) Now, we can’t say anything about Thor the Admiral’s performance in the fur-covered, flea-infested sack, but Thor the Norse God had a healthy libido: although he married the goddess of fertility, he also had a mistress called Jarnsaxa, the “iron cutlass.” Meeeeoooo! Who wouldn’t want a mistress named after a weapon? So, the point is: we’ve had the neo-cons, and now it’s time for the neo-pagans. Some neo-paganism would really liven up the scene at the Pentagon! Just think, we could roast some pigs in a fire pit at Ground Zero, drink psychotropic reindeer urine, raid the State Department in our long boats, and sacrifice some virgins in the E Ring…. And we need a foreign policy to go with our new neo-paganism. I think Conan really summed it up best. When asked the question: what is best in life? Conan replied: “To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of the women.” Forget all this nonsense about nation-building – I want Thor the Admiral to crush MY enemies!!!

DOGS of War! Woof!

2008-04-21T11:25:00.001-04:00

During her last trip to Iraq in February, the Pentagon Diva learned something amazing: it's not just just human females who LUV men in uniform - the dogs of Iraq also QUIVER with canine delight at the sight of a US soldier!!! While visiting a remote Joint Security Station, the Diva became acquainted with a number of scabby, mangy, scrofulous Iraq dogs, some with one eye, some with three legs, but all DESPERATE for some tummy-patting, ear-scratchin' attention.... And who can blame them? Aren't all of us just hoping that some HOT man in uniform will scratch our itchy nether-regions? GRRRRR! In fact, one dog loved American soldiers so much that everytime a convoy left the base, she ran after the patrol vehicles all they way to downtown K******YA. Twice she was shot by insurgents, and twice patched up by Army medics. Local soldiers called her "Purple Heart" -- what a brave, patriotic puppy! While enjoying the hospitality of the JSS in the Army's dirtiest, coldest tent, the Diva also made the acquaintance of her fabulous tent mate -- a female officer from the 85th Medical Detachment Combat Stress Control Unit, whose mission is to offer therapeutic assistance to soldiers in theater. Two black labs have recently joined the unit and have a very hectic schedule of face licking and tail wagging in order to make sure that soldiers know they have the love & admiration of the canine world. Woof!

MAN-HUGS FOR EVERYONE!!!!

2008-01-14T06:06:00.000-05:00

The Pentagon Diva must apologize to her numerous, devoted fans for her lack of recent postings. She has, however, been in Iraq and Afghanistan for the past few months, admiring all those the handsome, brave boys (and girls) in uniform -- all that dust! all that kevlar! all that muscle! Meeeeoooow! Indeed, it was HOT, HOT, HOT -- in more ways than one...

Frankly, the excitement was almost too much. But lo! upon her return, she discovered that man-hugging is now socially permissible, according to Wired-guy Noah Shachtman. I know what you naughty readers are thinking -- but there is no love-fest going on at the Pentagon, no outbreak of unrestrained bodily contact in the US Armed Forces. On the contrary, in his little article, "In the Pentagon, Hugging Suddenly OK" (January 11, 2008), Noah informs us that this hugging has rules. Rules, dammit!

"Rule #1: A hug is only appropriate between two men who have not seen each other in at least a year. It only occurs on the first meeting of those two after such a gap.
Rule #2: During that period one or both of them have been to combat in Iraq or Afghanistan. Neither has died or was crippled beyond repair. Both now know too many who have been so.
Rule #3: The hug occurs in conjunction with a forearm gripped handshake. It is brief. Right arm in shake, left arm over the other man's shoulder, two or three hearty slaps or punches to the back. No more. Release. The sentiment is as direct as the action, "I am glad you are not dead."

Now, Noah (our otherwise well-informed social observer) seems to think the man-hug is something new. But the Diva can assure readers that soldiers -- at least those in highly kinetic, testosterone-driven ho-ahh units -- hug each other all the time. Perhaps as a celebration of masculinity? As a means of expressing their mammalian instinct for the comfort of a warm fur-pile in a deep burrow? As a way of congratulating themselves for surviving yet another really dangerous HALO (high altitude, low-opening) jump? Who knows?!

Anyway, the most important rule is NO BELOW-THE-WAIST CONTACT. Okay, let's practice: stand 2 feet apart, grip hands in a manly fashion, lean forward from the waist, thump comrade on the back. Stop. A quick release is IMPERATIVE, otherwise you might be perceived as being gay or (heaven forbid!) sentimental.

The nice thing about being a girl, of course, is that you can hug anyone you want at pretty much anytime and everybody LOVES it!!! So, ladies, have you hugged a warfighter today?

Semper Fi!!!!

2007-04-13T14:46:00.001-04:00

Ladies, do you ever wonder why Marines are so freakishly HOT? And why they don't take off their clothes more often in public? The UK Royal Marines take off their clothes ALL THE TIME, no kidding. In fact, when they visit bars while on deployment (frequently), someone will yell 'Naked!' (loudly) and they all strip (quickly) -- including their knickers!!!! The USMC is, well, a little bit more prudish -- in other words, I've never seen a whole platoon of them drinking naked in a bar, which is just very disappointing. However, the nice folks at 501(c)(c) Freedom in Not Free have brought us a lovely Xmas (or birthday or Easter) gift - AMERICA'S HEROES 2007 CALENDAR!!! Sadly, these boys are still wearing their knickers -- hopefully 2008's calendar will feature BUCK-NAKED Marines!!!

Why is Paul Van Riper so screamingly HOT????

2007-04-13T14:38:00.003-04:00

Why is Lieutenant General Paul Van Riper (USMC, ret) so screamingly HOT???? Is it because he was wounded in action in Vietnam and has a ton of medals? NO!!! Is it because he walked out of the Millennium Challenge 2002 wargame because it was fixed so the blue force would always win? NO!!! Is it because he told SecDef Rumsfeld he should resign? NO!!! It’s because he looks like a ROMAN SENATOR!!! With that short white hair, those steely eyes, that amazingly square jaw – you can easily visualize him in a toga and sandals (I myself have visualized him in such costumes many, many times!). I mean, the man has some SERIOUS dignity, which can only be increased by a laurel wreath around the head. Really, there are not too many men you could say that about…. Okay, so maybe the whole Roman thing has become a huge Hollywood trope: In the past few years, there has been no shortage of hot guys in togas Hollywood style – adorable red-haired Kevin McKidd in Rome The Miniseries (really, he was even better in Dog Soldiers in which an SAS unit encounters a bunch of werewolves), hetero-macho Russell Crowe in Gladiator (really, he was even better as a skinhead in Romper Stomper – those BOOTS!). But when USMC generals look like Roman senators, it gives a whole new emphasis to the current ‘barbarians at the gate’ zeitgeist happening inside the Beltway…And no, I don’t mean the Democrats (I AM a democrat, for fuck's sake)…I mean the fact that there IS a war going on, even though nobody in the federal government or in the glorious, overweight, self-complacent American populace seems to recognize this fact….They say that Rome is burning. Hell, let it burn – I don’t care as long as LtGen Van Riper is around to put out my fire!

Israel recalls 'naked ambassador'

2007-03-12T11:56:00.001-04:00

Israel has recalled its ambassador to El Salvador after he was found drunk and naked apart from bondage gear. Reports say he was able to identify himself to police only after a rubber ball had been removed from his mouth. A foreign ministry official described Ambassador Tzuriel Refael's behaviour as an unprecedented embarrassment. The incident, which happened two weeks ago, has renewed calls for a radical overhaul of the way Israel appoints and promotes its diplomats. San Salvador was Mr Refael's first post as ambassador. He was promoted in 2006 from a technical position in the ministry which had involved several foreign postings.....WOW, SAN SALVADOR SOUNDS LIKE MORE FUN THAN DC!

Story from BBC NEWS:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/go/pr/fr/-/2/hi/middle_east/6441461.stm

Published: 2007/03/12 14:05:50 GMT

Why is Eliot Cohen so astoundingly HOT?

2007-03-08T17:08:00.002-05:00

Why is Eliot Cohen so astoundingly HOT? Is it because he wrote a very important and under appreciated book called Military Misfortunes: The Anatomy of Failure in War? Is it because he’s a neo-con retractor? NO – ladies the real secret to why Eliot (or Eli to his friends) is so totally sexy is his BOWTIE! Do I really need to explain to you that a man who can tie a neat bow can also manage a buntline hitch (very useful for fastening your submissive partner to a stationary object such as a bedpost) or a French bowline (useful for tying your submissive partner without bruising)? Now THAT takes real talent and coordination! I’m not EVEN going to hazard a guess about what Eli and his wife do when the lights are out, but I would just remind you that 9 out of 10 S&M mistresses agree that the majority of their clients are orthodox Jews! Yes, that’s right – some Jewish men are really KINKY! So, as evidence for my improbable theory: the breaking news at Department of State is that Eli has been named as Condi’s ‘special adviser’…hmmmm…We all know she has a thing for thigh-high black leather boots and nasty little Jean Paul Gaultier outfits. Remember the neo-fascist frock-coat look at Wiesbaden in 2005? Meeeoooowwww! That was the APEX of the neo-con fashion moment – ‘cause let’s just face it, the current crop of DC politicos are a miserably unattractive bunch. The vice-president’s leering smirk, Richard Perle’s greasy wolverine hair, Don Rumsfelds’s angry grimace…it just gives me a headache! Anyway, the whole Condi and Eli thaaaang raises some interesting dom/sub questions which are TOTALLY beyond the scope of this little blog, but tasty nonetheless for those late-night lights-out musings… Let us just conclude with the observation that Eli is the ONLY member of official-dom that ANY self-respecting DC diva would even CONSIDER submitting to…preferably with a nice French bowl knot!

Why is Kalev Sepp so Unbelievably HOT?

2007-02-28T14:07:00.002-05:00

Why is Kalev Sepp so unbelievably HOT? Is it because he conducted counterinsurgency operations in Latin America in the 1980s? Is it because he’s a Special Forces guy with a PhD from Harvard? NO – it’s because he has facial hair! And ladies, do you know what well-groomed facial hair signifies? Facial hair means that a man is in touch with his ANIMAL nature – grrrrrr! Now some of the babes in the building (e.g., the Pentagon) say that Kalev – or Gunner as he is known to his fans – really needs to update his whole look. I mean, those huge rimless glasses are just screaming “Wonk! Wonk! Wonk!” And, what’s with the ties from 1975? Let’s just admit that the whole image thing is a BIG problem for guys who’ve spent their whole life in a uniform. You get out of bed; you put on your BDUs. The only choice you get is light, medium, or heavy starch. And of course, there are those slaves to the masculine ego who actually have their BDUs tailored. Can you IMAGINE? The vanity! Then, when you leave the military you are faced with too much CHOICE! I mean, you don’t have to wear just woodland or desert camouflage anymore, now you can wear plaid, houndstooth, pinstripes or – heaven forbid – gray flannel! This explains why DC is such a fashion sinkhole: confronted with too much choice, former military guys resort to the standard defense contractor uniform: gray slacks, blue shirt, blue blazer, red tie. What ever happened to knee breeches, riding boots and a CAPE? Now, Gunner (whatever anyone says) has managed to spurn the DC standard uniform and send a powerful symbolic message to females worldwide: GRRRRR!

Why is HR McMaster so Totally HOT?

2007-02-28T12:58:00.000-05:00

Why is HR McMaster so totally HOT? Is it because he won a silver star for bravery in Operation Desert Storm? Is it because he wrote a totally rockin' book called Dereliction of Duty? NO – it’s because he has a voice like he’s been drinking whiskey and smoking cigarettes since he was a cub scout. That’s right, girls – a man’s voice is VERY important, especially when he’s whispering sweet nothings in your ear about the failures of the Vietnam War or strategic options in Iraq. Then, there’s the other thing about HR – no, it’s not the fact that he only has initials instead of a name – it’s his BALD HEAD! Okay, there are some women who just need to run their fingers through a man’s hair to get all hot and bothered, and then there are others who became sexually fixated on Telly Savalas at a young age. Me personally, I think a BALD HEAD is the ultimate PHALLIC SYMBOL. And HR has a very nicely shaped head -- just look at him!

Why is John Nagl so Utterly HOT?

2007-02-28T12:52:00.002-05:00

Why is John Nagl so utterly HOT? Is it because he was a Rhodes scholar at Oxford? Is it because he wrote a chapter in the new Army Field Manual 3-24, Counterinsurgency? NO - it's because he's so good at flirting. Flirting - the ability to make other people think you like them by using witty turns of phrase and shooting meaningful looks - is a skill that is in short supply these days in Washington DC. In fact, there is a distinct lack of charm inside the Beltway where people are always looking over your shoulder at cocktail parties to see if MORE IMPORTANT PEOPLE are in the room. The lack of charm in Washington DC is one of the worst legacies of the neo-cons - I mean, has Dick Cheney EVER his whole life tried to make witty conversation with a woman while holding a martini glass in his hand? I DOUBT it. Hanging out with Dick Cheney is more fun than being bitten by a monkey…or maybe the monkey would be more fun. Whatever. The point is that John Nagl is pretty good at making you feel that YOU are the most fabulous person in the room, which is why he deserves the CONGRESSIONAL MEDAL OF CHARM!

Why is David Petraeus so totally HOT?

2007-02-28T12:37:00.000-05:00

Why is David Petraeus so totally HOT? Is it because he’s one of the most powerful men in the world? Is it because he was one of the few successful commanders in OIF? NO – it’s because he has excellent posture. Posture – the ability to stand up straight – is a very important quality in a man. My 65 year old yoga instructor once who told the class that posture is the first thing she looks for in a man, and girls: she was right! Petraeus has impressively good posture, especially considering that he was once shot in the chest during a training accident…and his knees are all busted up from jumping out of airplanes…and no doubt, he has some serious spinal cord compression. Thus, the fact that he can stand up straight is really SEXY! Wow, what a guy! Now, there are those Petraeus-watchers who say that his posture was much better about 15 years ago, and that he’s looking a little hunched over these days. No doubt, that’s because of the STRESS entailed by being the most powerful man in the world. (A little yoga might fix that, come to think of it....) But whatever, a little hunch never really bothered me too much, in fact, it’s kind of cute. This fact has not been lost on his adoring female fans. And, yes, Dave has a LOT of fans. One of his biggest fans is Sarah Sewell of the Harvard Carr Center for Human Rights Policy, who wrote in a recent op-ed, “If anyone can save Iraq, it's David H. Petraeus, the ultimate can-do general.” A man with posture like that can do it to me anytime!